Diary of a Cleric
By the time they learn, you are dead
We were still in Dogan's Hole and decided to head southeast, mainly because nothing had really happened. The locals still avoided Gwindor, continually muttering about him being marked and dogs and things. I ignored that as we moved forward. We had a boring journey where nothing happened.
Famous last words.
We made our way back towards the site where we had originally ambushed the bad guys and then continued towards the mountains. The going was pants because of the weather, but eventually we came across a mine shaft.
It smelled unpleasant.
We made camp and lit a fire. Gwindor went to investigate and noticed that a rope was moving. There had also been vibrations at one point, which was probably information we should have paid considerably more attention to.
We entered the mine.
One of the supporting beams had been broken and an iron spike had been driven into the wall. Shiny.
There were noises somewhere in the mine. We also knew that the miners who had previously worked here were dead, which was another encouraging sign.
Galen walked off and fell down a pit. This was surprising for him as he usually spots traps, problems and other issues, then pirouettes over them.
We briefly considered renaming him Gwindor.
He hurt himself, but when we called down to him he reported hearing noises nearby. We threw him a rope and he climbed back up, thereby disappointing whatever was making them.
Then we heard scrabbling to Gwindor's left.
From inside the wall.
More noises followed from somewhere else. The Shiny One picked up a rock and threw it at the wall. I watched closely. There was a clicking sound, then a large thump from another direction, followed by an almighty crash.
We still couldn't see anything.
Phineas has therefore added Wall Toucher to his steadily increasing list of titles.
Galen thought he could feel a brief vibration through the ground. I remained standing on the rails, on the entirely reasonable assumption that if something was making holes beneath us, the rails were less likely to contain one.
The noises became considerably louder.
Then things erupted from the wall.
They were enormous insect-like creatures. Pherios said they called them Ice Worms, except these were very definitely insectoid.
One of them, whom I shall call Little Jim, reared up in front of Gwindor and bit him.
Gwindor, having noticed that the creatures were extremely hot, responded with Burning Hands.
Nothing happened.
Of course.
Another, Small Bob, went for Phineas.
I used Toll the Dead on one of them. This hurt it badly and it screamed loudly, apparently calling to the others. This was useful information.
Phineas hit one with his sword. The creature was wounded, but the sword began glowing red and heat from the wound burned Phineas.
This was also useful information.
Phineas hit it again. His sword became white hot and started to warp. There then followed yet another attack involving heat.
It did nothing.
At about this point, Mummy arrived. Not a 'mummy' but the fully grown adult nightmare version of whatever in the nine hells these things were.
The smaller creatures became extremely excited by this development. We were somewhat less enthusiastic.
"Apparently Mummy was considerably bigger," stated one of the group.
Yeah. No shit. And the damned thing was coming straight at me.
Pherios attacked one of the smaller creatures with his warhammer. The hammer glowed red and burned him.
Little Jim tried to bite Gwindor but missed. Gwindor responded with Magic Missile, which hurt it badly. Galen hit it as well.
I used Toll the Dead. The sounding bell sent in that cold, destructive necrotic wave.
It died.
I felt this provided fairly compelling evidence that not using heat was an approach worthy of further investigation.
Mummy disagreed with my contribution to the battle and attacked me.
I threw up a Warding Flare, and placed a spritual weapon between us. The weapon attacked and scored a solid hit. I could see I couldn't have done more damage if I'd tried.
It made absolutely no difference.
She hit me once.
Everything went black.
Phineas continued fighting the remaining smaller creature. By this point his sword was merely a handle, in that he was essentially holding a hilt. Pherios used Spare the Dying on me, which at least meant I wasn't going to become any more dead than I already was.
Gwindor hit Mummy with a Lightning Bolt. She survived it. Good call Gwindor.
Someone managed to get me conscious again. I had barely regained consciousness when Mummy noticed. She hit me again.
I died.
________________________________________
The following account has been reconstructed from what the others subsequently told me, because being dead seriously impairs one's ability to maintain accurate notes.
Pherios blessed himself, Galen and Gwindor and moved away. Gwindor also tried to move, but the remaining young creature hit him hard. He retaliated with another Lightning Bolt against Mummy, this time doing considerable damage, although apparently not enough. Galen attacked the remaining smaller creature with his bow and missed despite having the advantage.
He reconsidered this result, applied some inspiration and killed it.
That left Mummy.
At this point Phineas produced something he had apparently been carrying around for some time but had never actually used.
A gun.
A gold gun.
Thus Wall Toucher, formerly Shiny One, temporarily became The Man with the Golden Gun.
He fired.
He missed.
He used inspiration and fired again.
He hit.
It did heat damage.
Of course it fucking did.
Consequently, it achieved jack shit.
Pherios attacked with his hammer and hit, receiving another blast of heat for his trouble.
Gwindor used another Lightning Bolt and finally managed to hurt Mummy badly enough that she was visibly suffering. He then drank a healing potion.
Galen landed another Sneak Attack. Mummy was still there.
She attacked Pherios, hit him hard and grappled him. Apparently it was going to kiss him or something. Pherios was now in the Love Hug and appeared likely to receive a kiss shortly afterwards.
Phineas, having presumably decided that the Golden Gun had enjoyed quite enough of its illustrious career, attacked with a flail and Thunderous Smite. He hit, and once again received a considerable amount of heat in return. Pherios couldn't do much while being enthusiastically embraced.
Gwindor used Magic Missile, helped considerably by the Hex he had placed on the creature.
It was still there.
Galen shot at it.
He missed.
Then he shot it again.
He killed it.
Phew.
For them.
I am told there was then some discussion about what to do about my continued state of death. Apparently one suggestion was that the group might eventually meet another Cleric on their travels.
At this point I was forced, despite being dead, to remind everyone that Galen was carrying a Raise Dead scroll.
This came as a surprise to almost everybody.
Including, apparently, the person running the universe.
Fortunately, Galen had a Raise Dead scroll.
This was apparently news to almost everybody despite the fact that he had been carrying it around since we found it in that castle.
There is a reason I play the Cleric and try to keep this lot alive.
Galen used the scroll and I returned to life.
Again.
I needed a rest, due to being, well, dead.
We subsequently had a discussion about what weapon we should give a Paladin wearing full plate. A rapier doesn't really seem to cut it.
We removed the chitin from the creatures and rested in the mines.
I require another three rests before I am completely back to normal.
Note to self: Next time, take the heat damage and cast CURSE.